Imposter syndrome and the illusion of confidence

Sarah

One of the points down that Rachel put in the Figma about like gender differences and imposter syndrome was really interesting because I feel like that's something that I also like feel sometimes compared to maybe not males in like our workplace, but like friends that I have that are guys that like, they're so confident about all the work that they do and like we might be the same skill level, but I don't feel as confident as them sometimes, but I don't know. I thought that was like an interesting point that Rachel had put in the Figma board. 

Rachel

I've have imposter syndrome every day. I'm such an over-thinker that like I question everything I do. Yeah, and also this is what I heard from. Also what I know though like from another like female professor is she really encouraged us to like the women, girls in our program to just for example, when, like right before we graduate, just to apply to all positions that you can because she said women tend to discredit themselves and just if they don't meet all the criteria, they don't tend to apply. But guys just do whether or not they meet the criteria or not. So that was something that she encouraged us to do. 

Nina

One thing that, oh, there's another blurry Nina for you. One thing that I always suggested to my team whether regardless of gender, but definitely for anyone who identified as a woman or non-binary to be honest as well, was to write down at the end of the day, and certainly at the end of the week, everything that you accomplished. Just as a practice, it's almost like a professional journaling exercise. I don't know if I've suggested that to anyone here, but I do think that it's a helpful exercise if you are experiencing imposter syndrome just to force yourself to write down the things that you have completed and then also achieved or felt like you're like, oh, I learned something, or I, tried something new, or whatever it might be. It was extra helpful in a place where you are constantly having to defend yourself in professional development context. Hey, I want to get this promotion, or I need, where you really need to be your own advocate. So if you ever end up in a corporate structure where you have to really advocate hard for people to recognize your professional achievements, I highly recommend it. But also just as a good journaling practice to be like, oh, I did something this week. I achieved something. I learned something new. I. Or I failed at something and that taught me X, Y, or Z. Just anyway, if you, not that anyone's asking for suggestions, but but I do find it, it's helped me to to become more confident in the things that and in telling the stories about the things that I have done in my career.

Tania

I think I have a similar approach, not with work, but I find that sometimes when my mental health isn't that good and I find myself like negatively spiralling or overthinking, which to some extent we all tend to do, but I. I will tend to like journal and jot down like the good things that are currently in my life, or I guess that's just like gratitude journaling. But similar to what you're saying is just noticing the things that you've done along the way that you know you've accomplished or things that are going well. 'cause I think as humans we tend to focus on the bad or the negative quite often. So it's just like. Adapting or adjusting our mindset a little bit. But I like that you mentioned that, Nina. I think we often don't give ourselves enough credit and we can fall into the trap of that. So yeah. Yeah. It's a good tool or technique that we can all benefit from.

Silvia

I also will say that it's also okay to feel like unsure or like not always projecting like the scare of like confidence, I know it's something that's hard to do in a more corporate environment, but I think it's more important to think through and ask yourself like good questions. I think part of the things that are wrong with tech is that there's a lot of people in tech that think that they know everything and project this era of confidence and let's move quickly and let's, fix break things and fix them and whatever the ways in which like tech language exists.

I think like it's also okay to just not know all the answers and under, and recognize that you don't know all the answers. Like I think that's actually probably a healthier place to be in. Not to say that imposter syndrome isn't tougher or that it's yeah, not a challenging thing to do, but I think also just like inverting that and thinking about it as it's okay for me not to know all the answers and in fact, like I'm probably a better designer 'cause I don't know everything or I don't know. Yeah, I don't know everything, but yeah, that's just my thoughts on it. 

Nina

No, I think it's a really good point, Sil. I think like sometimes if you become overconfident in a solution that you used once, you can like block yourself out too for future state. Like you can start to create really, like entrenched pathways in your own brain. I know I've certainly fallen into that before where I'm like, oh, it's probably this solution when instead of listening and being open to the current situation in order to find the right solution.

Yeah, I think, making sure that con, like growing your own. Comfort with yourself doesn't come at the expense of curiosity as well. Or questioning or Yeah. Thought being thoughtful. That's a really good point.

The Power of Reflection and Journaling

Silvia 

I think like having a, like a reflection practice is really, it's a great call Nina and Tania, I think there's a thing about like your brain, latching onto negative experiences and like actively practicing and like reflecting on positive experiences helps your brain like kind of rewire, like this thing about like neurons that, what is it? The thing, it's like neurons that fire together, wire together, something like that.

So I think yeah, having a reflection practice is really good. I have tried many times to be a journaler, but I am, I feel like I'm not a journaler. 

Nina

I'm also not a journaler, so I used to make my staff like it was I was like, just. Send yourself a voice note or whatever it's, or just write it in Slack to yourself. It's not about, yeah. It's, this is not a journal. It's literally or I had to convince myself and them. I was like, this isn't it's just a, it's a note to yourself or something. You could send it to a friend, if that makes it easier just to be like, I did this thing this week, or I learned this thing this week, or I was proud of this thing, whatever. So that doesn't feel like, 'cause I hate the idea of I hated a  having a diary as a kid, so anything that feels associated with that, I'm like no. I was the most insipid, awful writer. Never again. 

Silvia

I feel that. Yeah. Do you guys, do you like Rachel or Sarah? Do you journal or have a journaling practice? 

Sarah

I try to but then it just got too cringe, so I stopped. Now I try to just to get in the habit of things, but it's mostly just me being like, today I feel like the weather is sunny, and then it's done.

Rachel

That's funny. I'm totally not an analog person. I'm very digital. 'cause once I actually write things down, I get obsessed with my handwriting, which is terrible. So I just type everything out, like with note takings. But I'm probably too lazy to write stuff. So what I usually do when I like self-doubt is I just keep talking to myself. But it's okay. 'cause like I'm only annoying myself. I don't need other people to comfort me. So I could just keep, if a thought pops up in my head, like I read at a random time of the day, I just tell myself things over and over again. And that helps. That's what I've been doing since little, just talk to myself a lot.

Tania

I find that sometimes I'm like a anxious overthinker and I have a million thoughts in my head. So I've tried like digitally journaling, but sometimes I feel like my thoughts can't keep up with the keyboard, like I'm typing so frickin' fast. But I feel like with journaling I'm forced to slow down and I've actually found it helpful. But yeah.

I think my partner was telling me something about like stoicism and how like that people used to journal in the morning as like an intentional setting thing and then also the evening type thing. But I can't, I don't know if I can do all that. I've, but I've been trying to implement that more often now and it's been helpful.

Silvia

That's a good point. Like slowing down. 

Nina

Weirdly like commuting has reinforced that now that I commute most days of the week, it's like this 30 minutes when I have to, or 30 minutes to an hour when I'm in the car and I'm listening to music or whatever. And it's just oh, I can't do anything else I have to physically drive this car. Yeah. So I can't work. I can't maybe I can take a call, maybe not. But it's crazy how much healthier my brain has been, and it's not that I'm recommending commuting to anyone, but I'm but I do think just like a break in the morning and a break in the afternoon for an extended period of time when you physically can't do something else is it's crazy how much better I feel than when I would just get up and like immediately work or, just where I had no change of space. I had no nothing to bookend my day. And I'm more disciplined people than me would go for a walk or, do go to the gym or do whatever, but the commute is forcing me to do that and it's been good because even commuting on a train, like I'll just be on my phone or yeah. Focusing on something. But when you're driving a car, you physically can't do anything else.

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